


I don't know my name

by imaginaryDemons



Series: the trashcan ship [2]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Gavin Reed Redemption, Gavin900, Gender Dysphoria, Not Beta Read, Other, Trans Gavin Reed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-07-11 05:16:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15965489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginaryDemons/pseuds/imaginaryDemons
Summary: //Please don't ask me any questionsThere won't be a valid answerI'll just say thatI don't know my name//Reed is trying to get by day by day, he is barely managing, apparently some power in the universe had decided to give him a hard time.As if it wasn't enough, his gender dysphoria decided to come back at him in full swing, leaving him self-conscious and lost. Hopefully his new partner will keep his mouth shut, not many people know that he was trans and he'd like to keep it that way.





	1. Please. don't ask me any questions.

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter is basically just a little teaser I have been working on. I just really like the idea of the trans!Gav AU and I think we need more trans characters.  
> That being said, I am a cis female, trying my best to capture or display the struggles of a trans human. If you are trans and have critic, please please hit me up, as I am still learning and want to do my job as an ally as best as I can :)  
> This will also be a lot of fluff and positivity.  
> I do hope you like this and comments & kudos are always highly appreciated.

Gavin stiffened and hoped that Android wouldn’t say anything just like Connor did. This he had to give to Anderson’s pet. He kept his mouth shut.  
“Reed, are you listening to me?”, Fowler demanded, raising an angry brow.  
“Yes, sorry.”  
Meekly he shoved his fist into the pockets of his leather jacket. He had had caused too much trouble lately. He feared that Fowler might actually make his treat reality and sack him.  
Biting a commentary back, he turned to robo-cop who was standing uncomfortably close to him.  
It was smiling oddly human like and turned over to him reaching out with one hand.  
Gavin really had to fight his instincts not to hiss at that piece of plastic, as he could feel Fowlers eyes on him.  
“Good morning, Detective Reed, I am RK900, the android sent by-“, abruptly he broke off. Its gaze turning inwards and LED flickering between yellow and blue.  
Fighting the urge to just go away, he reached out as well, taking the offered hand and shaking it, “Reed”.  
“ it’s a pleasure to meet you, Detective.”, it followed with a warm and polite smile.  
Quickly Gavin withdrew his hand again, shoving it back into the pocket.  
Then Fowler spoke once more.  
“You two will work together … and Reed”, he paused, “nothing shady will happen.”  
Instead of answering he simply turned around - no longer able to contain himself and walked out the door. He agreed to be neutral not fucking mother Theresa.  
While he walked back to his terminal, the android followed him closely.  
Gavin pulled back his chair and moved a hand trough his hair. Making it even messier than before, he imagined he probably looked a little insane right now.  
Then he looked over to Tina, who was also looking at him and giving him a reassuring smile.  
“Is there anything you want me to do, detective.”  
“Yes, get lost.”  
“I am afraid, I won’t be able to do that.”, it frowned. It fucking frowned.  
“Shit, I don’t know, aren’t you supposed to be more advanced or?”  
Connor was already a pain in the ass for the most time, why did there need to be a fucking clone of him now, especially with the seemingly same mental capability.  
Sighing he logged onto his account, checked his E-Mails and then returned to file the papers for a case he recently had finished. It was hard ignoring the android who was still standing behind him, asserting.  
A few minutes later Gavin decided, that he needed coffee, otherwise he might turn insane or fall asleep. Maybe he would even fall asleep, then start sleepwalking and stab everyone. A slightly grim smile appeared on his face. Sometimes his fantasy was definitely too vivid.  
Walking into the break room, he took his mug out of the shelves and placed it under their high-end coffee machine before he pushed a few buttons.  
He hadn’t noticed that the plastic tree had followed him and slightly jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
Immediately he turned around, angrily barking into the android’s face.  
“Personal space, motherfucker.”  
“I am sorry, Detective, I didn’t mean to startle you, but I wanted to ask you something and I figured you’d rather not answer in public.”  
“Do I have a choice?”  
“Yes, but I do think my question is crucial for our future partnership.”  
Pinching the bridge of his nose, he waved his hand, motioning the android to finally get it over with it’s stupid question.  
“What are your preferred pronouns? I do know that you go by male pronouns in the precinct … but I will call you by anything you feel comfortable with.”  
Gavin couldn’t help but stare at the android. It’s eyes were a ice blue and he seemed slightly bigger than Connor.  
Trying to sort his thought’s Gavin turned around, to get his now finished coffee. The cup also would give him something to hold on to. He just really didn’t expect that. He knew that Connor knew, he was trans and it never seemed to be an issue for him, so he had thought the 900 would probably react the same – or he hoped he at least would, but this came out of the blue.  
Still with his back to the thing he whispered: “male pronouns are fine”  
“noted.”, he could hear the smile in the androids voice, “ I am sorry if I have caused you any discomfort. I just wanted to make sure to have the best possible outcome for our partnership.”  
With that he was left alone in the break room, still tightly gripping onto the cup in his hands.


	2. idon'twannabeyouanymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> //  
>  _Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before_  
>  _I don't wanna be you anymore_  
>  _Hands, hands getting cold_  
>  _Losing feeling's getting old_  
>  _Was I made from a broken mold?_  
>  //  
> They hadn't spoken in weeks, why did the plastic-prick all of a sudden decide, that now was the time and why the fuck has everyone sworn against him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, actually this was just supposed to be some kind of one-shot or short story collection, but I got carried away so be prepared for the next few chapters :^)  
> (though I am not sure how frequently I will be able to update, due to real life, but I will try my best.)  
> Again, a friendly reminder that if anything seems wrong coming from the transGavin part, feel free to tell me. I am trying to educate.  
> Have funnn.

This has happened weeks ago, since then the android hasn’t really talked to Gavin, other than work related stuff. He had though, warmed up to Connor and both were “hanging out” or whatever. It mostly was Connor talking and the 900 nodding. They clearly were an odd pair.  
Walking back from the break room, he looked over to them. Anderson was tapping away at his terminal, smiling at himself, while Connor was chatting happily.  
The detective rolled his eyes into the back of his head and then walked over to his table, slumping down on his chair and sipping at his coffee, before returning to work.  
Before long the android returned to his place as well, looking at Gavin with a strange expression.  
“What is it, tin-can?”  
“Nothing, detective.”, he played it off, being the professionally programmed machine, he was, but apparently decided to break his given options by looking back up again.  
“Actually, I was wondering, detective, if you wanted to have dinner with me tonight?”  
What? Was that thing out of its mind? How would it think, he’d go and get food with it? It should have been clear as ice by now, that he rather not spends his time with androids.  
“I will of course, be paying for the food.”, the RK continued.  
Was he really willing to forget his principles, for free food? It was tempting, but just the sheer thought of having to share even more of his time with the plastic tree was making him want to impale himself with a spoon.  
He shook his head, “tempting, but no, I’d much rather light myself on fire.”  
The android frowned and Anderson decided to get involved.  
“For fucks sake Reed, stop being a bitch and just join him for dinner, it’s not like he is going to poison you … and if he does I will help him disguise it as an accident. Right, R?”  
Then he winked at him and Connor started laughing. Gavin couldn’t believe the mess that he was in? When the fuck did the world turn on him and where did the memo go that should have notified him. Angrily he jumped up, taking his jacket and fast-walking to the entrance. He really needed to smoke before he exploded, it was really hard containing himself, but alas he did care too fucking much about his job and he simply didn't want to risk losing it by having another tantrum.  
Gavin’s reaction sent Anderson and his puppy into a laughing fit, whilst his partner just looked at him with his head slightly tilted and a questioning look on his face.  
Fuck this shit.  
Immediately as he stepped outside he lit a cigarette, only then realizing that his hands were shaking.  
Apparently, this situation got him worse than he even wanted to admit to himself. Sighing he took a long drag, wishing that things would get back to the way the used to be back when Connor wasn’t here. Yes, he wasn’t all that happy back then either, but at least he had his peace.  
Suddenly he heard steps behind him.  
“Are you fucking rolling me? Can’t a man not even smoke a cigarette in peace?”, he exclaimed, knowing full well that it was the android standing behind him. He probably would be able to sense his presence from miles afar. Somehow, he always felt a shiver run trough his spine when the thing was around him. Like a freaking red flag.  
“Please explain your problem to me, detective. It is really hard to understand you.”  
“My problem? MY problem?”  
What was the piece of shit thinking.  
“You clearly do have some issues you haven’t resolved yet and I would like to help you.”  
This was it, this was enough, how dare was it. He spun around staring angrily at the artificial face.  
“I don’t fucking need your help, thank you very much”, he spit out  
“I know that detective, but I meant it when I said I want to”  
“Androids want things? That’s fucking new to me.”  
One could have cut the sarcasm in the sentence with a butter knife, but the human didn’t know how else to react. Why would that thing want to help him, especially since it knows he despises it? Not even his so-called best friends wanted to help him back then, why would it?  
Shaking his head, he turned back around, lighting another cigarette.  
“Reed…”, the android whispered, suddenly sounding soft.  
Gavin decided to ignore him, he didn’t owe it anything, he didn’t ask for help.  
“We are partners, of course I care about you.”, it was almost like he had read his mind.  
“Well, breaking news, I fucking don’t, now get lost.”  
The voice inside his mind screamed, yelling the same old insults at him, he has heard ever since he realized that he didn’t feel comfortable inside his body.  
Demonstratively he took a long drag of his cigarette, signalizing once again that the conversation was over. But the android just stood there like Michelangelo’s David.  
Gavin realized, that he probably had no choice other than choosing the lesser evil and ignoring the piece of plastic until he had finished smoking.  
Another voice in his head whispered what would be so bad about getting food, at least he would be able to stuff himself and make the thing pay a crazy amount of money. But he wouldn’t be Gavin Reed if he had given in that easily.  
When he had finished, he walked around the android, leaving it there and returning to his table, it was really hard to focus on filing though. His mind was racing, and he kept pushing the thoughts back, after all there was a reason why he kept to his principles.  
A few hours passed, when suddenly the android appeared next to Gavin again, a cup of hot coffee was in his hands and he carefully placed it down next to him, taking the old cup at the same time.  
“I thought you might need this, detective.”, he smiled softly at him, his eyes swiftly turning warm.  
Taken aback by the sudden friendliness after the weeks of professional conversations and therefore talking as little as possible he just was able to stare.  
Why was the plastic prick suddenly trying to be friends with him, what had happened?  
The confusion must have been clearly displayed on his face because once again the expression on the android’s face changed. Knowing.  
“I can explain, if you want.”, he almost whispered, apparently not wanting anyone in the precinct to get involved.  
“No, thank you again.”, he replied, walking over to Tina, hoping he would be left alone. Tina looked up, slightly smirking at him.  
“You okay there, Reed?”  
Gavin wanted to yell at her, but right now this wasn’t her fault, so he simply grimaced. She seemed to understand though and looked at the android.  
Then she looked back at him, standing up, asking him, if he could help her, because she needed him for a second.  
He nodded and then she walked to one of the empty interrogation rooms, waving her hand so Gavin would follow. Once they were in, she immediately turned over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.  
“What is it Gav?”  
“Those androids are driving me nuts.”, with his free hand he rubbed his face. Feeling the need to do something.  
Sarcastically Tina replied, “What are the news … but honestly don’t you think you might be overreacting?”  
Bewildered he stared at her, apparently today really was “shit-on-Gavin”day.  
“I know, I know Gav. But he is only trying to be your friend … and yes, I have hated them too, but have you looked at Anderson? That man fucking bloomed ever since Connor came into the DPD. And Connor is a good boy. Maybe RK is too, maybe you should give him a chance.”, she frowned shortly and started smiling again. Then she took one of his hands, squeezing it.  
Gavin wasn’t sure what to say, he was just so over it by now. Actually, he just wished to disappear.  
Tina was walking over to one of the chairs and sat down on them, leaving him alone at the door. There seemed to be some sort of expectation in her eyes though.  
For a few minutes they were just looking at each other and it got harder and harder for him to return her gaze. It was like she was taking him apart piece by piece.  
“For fucks sake, Tina.”  
“Get over your goddamn self for once, Gavin. That guy is just trying to be your friend – just like me.”  
“You are a terrible friend, though.”  
This made her laugh, really hard, when she finally got herself back together she got back up and walked over.  
“I care about you, but holy shit”, she still was laughing a little, smiling. It was strange for here, she rarely really smiles, but right now she basically radiated. Clearly, she was amused by all this.  
“What are you scared of? Making another friend?”  
“You know androids–“  
“Cut the crap. Androids suck, yes, but since the revolution … things have changed. They have.”  
“Since when have you become an ambassador for them?”  
She shrugged, “maybe I just want to spend my energy on things that actually make me happy.”  
“Fuck, woman, you sound like a fucking shrink.”  
She laughed again, and then softly smiled.  
“That’s because I have been getting help. I am glad it shows … but honey, we all have or problems and everybody understands that. It’s just how we deal with them that matters.”  
Again, all Reed could do, was stare at her, his brain simply wasn’t able to process all the things that just had happened over the past few minutes. He shifted uncomfortably, no longer able to look into his friends’ eyes.  
It felt like she now had betrayed him too.  
Apparently, Tina could sense the sudden shift in emotion, because for the second time in this conversation, she placed a hand on his shoulder, softly squeezing it.  
“Honestly, Gav. Is your body the problem? You know he knows, and he hasn’t blabbed yet. I think you can trust him.”  
This hit him. Hard.  
He had been really self-conscious the past weeks and he hoped it was just a phase again, he hoped he would get over it, after all he had before – or at least he thought he had. Gavin wasn’t even sure why all of a sudden, the thoughts were back, he couldn’t find the trigger … or maybe.  
“It asked me, what me what my preferred pronouns were.”, he grimaced.  
But Tina simply smiled, lightly patting his shoulder, “See.”  
“I wish I could just … this is not what …”  
Suddenly he was pulled into a hug, the woman in front of him was holding him close and at first it was weird. His body stiffened, and he wanted to put some more space between them, but she wouldn’t let him. All he could do, was hug her back.  
They stood like this for a minute, before she pulled back, allowing Gavin back into his personal space.  
“I am sure you will figure it out … you are a detective after all.”  
The man ran a hand trough his hair, once more not able to say anything, so Tina did.  
“We should probably get back to work, text me if you need me.”  
One last time she gave him one of her encouraging smiles, before opening the door and walking out of the room. Quickly Gavin followed, treading every second before he had to return to his place. The android was at its terminal, seemingly focused on his work but as soon as he got close, it looked up for a brief moment, different emotions playing on his face.  
For a second Gavin was surprised that androids apparently were able to display so many emotions. Elijah really did a good job.  
Then a cold chill ran down his spine and he hurriedly sat down, trying to take off his mind of all this shit.  
For the rest of the shift he tried to lose himself in work and he almost managed. As the clock ticket closet to the end of it, he got uneasy again.  
Really, he just wanted to go home, order some fast food and watch TV until he fell asleep.  
Finally, the last few seconds had passed, he clocked out, turned of his terminal and got up to take his stuff, but as soon as he was on his feet, the android was by his side.  
What the fuck? Ignoring him, just like before, he took his jacket, ready to walk out, but the android took his hand, dragging him outside, not leaving him time to complain.


	3. meet me at the overpass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> //  
>  _Sketchy girls and lipstick boys_  
>  Troubled love and high speed noise  
> meet me at the overpass  
> //  
> Gavin couldn't believe that fucking thing had kidnapped him, but maybe not all the things it did were calculated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I know this chapter is short, but I felt like I needed to divide it for better flow and also to keep you intrigued :3c  
> Thank you so much for all the positive feedback! It really really helps me, as this was actually just a spur of the moment idea, and seeing that you actually enjoy it makes my heart melt.  
> I am trying to put out the follow up to this as soon as possible!

“WHAT THE FUCK”, he yelled.  
“I am sorry detective, but I must interfere with whatever plans you had.”  
The human tried to stem against the plastic pricks force, but of course it was built with inhuman strength. Once they were out of the precinct RK apparently was done with his shit and easily threw him over its shoulder. All Gavin was able to do, was let out a surprised squeak – he knew struggling was no use. So he tried to focus on where they were going, in case he needed to run.  
Suddenly he was placed down, but he was frozen in place, unable to move. He stared at the android’s face. The LED flickered calmly, speciously the thing was content with what he was doing.  
“Get in, detective.”, it ordered and carefully turned Gavin around, so he would get into the passenger seat of the DPD-car. Did Fowler know? Would he be able to get away, safely? Probably not. Not wanting to upset the clearly superior android he followed his order and climbed in, hyper-aware of his surroundings.  
As he finally settled into his seat, the android followed, quickly looking over. He seemed to be scanning him, as his LED flickered to yellow from time to time.  
Then he smiled, the expression was surprisingly soft and warm.  
“There is no need to worry, detective, I won’t do you any harm.”  
Reed straightened his back, ready to defend himself if necessary.  
“WHAT the fuck is going on, plastic?! You fucking kidnapped me.”  
“Technically I haven’t, you are free to go whenever you want.”  
This day was getting more and more insane by the minute, he wished that the android still wouldn’t be talking to him. He much preferred that.  
The RK started the car, interlocking with it, so it would bring them to its desired destination.  
Once again, the human shifted in his seat, trying to calm his anxious brain that nothing would be happening to him, why else would the android have taken one of the traceable police cars instead of Gavin’s? Besides, killing him was no use, he had nothing the thing would have wanted, he thought, the self-deprecation always lurking in the back of his mind.  
He couldn’t stop a laugh escaping from his mouth, this situation was fucking ridiculous, if he ever told someone they’d probably deem him fully gone mentally.  
Changing his own strategy, he turned to the prick next to him, “care to fill me in at least?”  
“We are going to get you food, you haven’t eaten all day and your blood-sugars are dangerously low.”  
“Are you fucking with me? This is it?! I did say no; don’t you fucking have the word “consent” in your databank or whatever.”  
This earned him a pitying look.  
“Detective, your safety is my number one task - a priority and you clearly are not looking out for yourself, that is why I am doing this now. In addition, I think we need to talk.”  
Reed made a mental note to go and fucking complain to Fowler tomorrow, this shit clearly had overstepped its boundaries, this was unprofessional and a no-go. Secretly he was glad, this would be his chance to get rid of his partner. Surely Fowler would be on his side on this.  
“I hope you like the restaurant I picked. I wasn’t sure what you would like, so”, it said, shrugging.  
It was odd how much he resembled Connor and yet they seemed to be so different.  
In an attempt to get this thought out of his mind, he shook his head. It was a machine, still. Inhumane, feelings were just programming. Binary-Code. Zeros and Ones. Nothing Gavin would be able to grasp ever.  
The rest of the car drive went silent, Gavin ended up being almost calm again, even forgetting to memorize striking way points and when the car stopped, he thought that maybe this wasn’t so bad. By now he was starving anyway.  
The android got out, after he safely parked the car and walked over to Gavin’s side, opening his door the smallest hint of a smile on its face.  
“Pick whatever you want, but I want to go somewhere with you, so take it with you.”  
What was it planning? He rose an eyebrow but went towards the restaurant.  
It was some sort of tropical restaurant and despite living here for ages, he never had seen it before. When he was inside he looked at the menu and all of the foods sounded familiar but had a twist on them, there were a lot of meats, paired with fruits and sweets paired with spices. Interesting.  
He ended up choosing a few dishes and the android paid without complaining.  
When his food was finished, the RK took the bag and walked out, so he had no other possibility than to follow. As he walked out, the piece of shit was putting the food in the back of the car and then waited for him to get in again.  
Gavin complied, slowly he was getting curious, yes, its behavior was very suspicious but the little child in him was excited to see where he would be taken.  
They drove for another few minutes, the smell of the food was wafting trough the car and his mouth was watering. He couldn’t wait to dig in. As he looked out of the window, the surroundings looked unfamiliar, there was a surprising number of trees and green. Now Gavin realized, what a beautiful late-summer day it was. The sun was shining, and everything seemed to be in some sort of haze, the time seemed to move slower, once he focused on the environments, his mind seemed calmed and he was able to focus on his body for the first time in a while. There was a lot of pain inside him, and he moved his shoulders slightly, in an effort to loosen his muscles, but there was no use right now. He made a mental note to asks Tina if she could massage him, even if that meant she would drag him shopping and make him pay in return.  
The car stopped once again, and again the android was getting out and opened the door for him. Then he got the bag and waited for him to get out as well. Looking around Gavin was surprised, they were somewhere he didn’t recognise.  
“Where are we?”  
“Don’t worry, we are still in Detroit, I just found this place when I was researching for another case.  
It was admittingly beautiful, there were no other people around but there was some sort of zen-garden, a bench was in the middle of it. Everything seemed so peaceful. Gavin immediately felt calm, which was odd.  
The android walked over to the bench, placing the bag containing the food on his lap, waiting for the human to follow, but he took his time admiring his surroundings.  
“How did I miss this”, he whispered to himself.  
Finally, he came to a halt at the bench, hesitating for a few seconds before sitting down, next to his android partner, who in the meantime had unpacked the food and handed it to him as soon as he sat.  
“Eat”, and for once Gavin happily obliged.  
The food tasted amazing and it was only now that he realized how hungry he had been. All day he just was focused on work and ignoring the android that he pushed back his own needs. He sighed in between bites.  
“Do you like it?”  
“Yes, it is incredible.”, the LED started spinning a bright yellow as soon as he said that, and he got a happy grin in return.  
Again, Reed couldn’t help but think about how similar Connor and the android in front of him looked, yet there were crazy different at the same time. The nine-hundred was slightly larger, it was only a few inches, but he assumed it was to make them even more intimidating. Moreover, he had ice-blue eyes in stead of Connors brown ones. All in all, he seemed sterner in contrast to his predecessor.  
When Gavin was finished, he felt content and a good amount of full, but then the android started talking.  
“I think I owe you a few explanations.” YES.


	4. Anomalié

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> // _J'ai pas choisi d'être seul ici_  
>  Pas choisi d'être une anomalie  
> Va voir ailleurs et viens voir ici  
> Non pas choisi d'être seul ici  
> Suis un humain sans futur  
> Un matériau à haut aux d’usure  
> J'ai pas voulu pourtant c'est ainsi  
> J'ai pas choisi d'être seul ici //
> 
>  
> 
> They needed to talk and maybe they would realize that they weren't all that different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo, I am so so sorry it took me so long to update this.  
> Life is a stressful mess right now and I wish I had more freetime // sighs for five years  
> I hope though, that you still enjoy this and that this longer-ish chapter is some sort of compensation :)

Gavin didn’t reply, he just waited for plastic prick to continue and he did.  
“Ironically, I really care about you detective, I don’t know. I talked to Connor, but he just told me I was going insane.”, the RK chuckled lowly.  
“You are a very interesting person to me and I had waited all the time up to today, if you would at least start small talk with me, but you didn’t. I wanted to give you the space you needed, but this was frustrating.”  
The robot ran a hand trough his hair, a motion knew all to well from himself.  
“So you just decided out of the spur of the moment to kidnap me?”  
“Kind of, yes.”  
“Connor is right, you are insane, plastic. This was so not okay. Consent is fucking important, if you ever pull something like this – I will shoot you on the spot.”  
His brain in the meantime tried to process the fact, that robo-cob actually cared about him. At the same time, he cursed Tina, who was sitting in his mind, pointing her finger at him, and giving him the “I-told-you-so”-look.  
“I am very sorry, if I overstepped my boundaries, and I can promise you, that this won’t happen ever again, I just needed to sort this out. After all we are supposed to work well as a team together …”  
He could only muster to nod slightly, he had to admit, that they were on the same page there, all it wanted to do was a good job, just like him. To sign the machine in front of him, that he was still listening, he slightly turned his body to him. He still felt a bit furious, but he understood. He willed the voices in his mind quiet, wanting to give the android the place to explain himself without him judging him prematurely. In an all to familiar gesture, he rubbed his face and ran a hand trough his hair.  
“I also wanted to apologize for asking what your preferred pronouns were, I only after realized that I have invaded your personal space and Connor told me that you humans are very keen on that.”  
So the android was thinking about that as much as he was, he couldn’t help but smile.  
“But at least you asked me …”, he picked at his jeans, “so uh, thanks I guess.”  
Why the fuck did he suddenly feel so timid? Probably because he wasn’t used to talking about this.  
When the android spoke again, he was still hyper focused on his pants, picking at the fibres, just so his hands had something to do.  
“But I won’t tell anyone, if you don’t want me to. Your secret is safe with me, detective.”  
“Hmm.”  
“Can I as- do many people know?”  
“No, only Fowler, of course, Tina, Connor obviously and you”  
Plastic nodded, his LED spinning yellow, as it always did when he was processing things.  
“Connor will keep quiet as well, if you feared that.”  
“I figured as much.”  
Again, the android smiled, Gavin didn’t look at him, but he could hear it in its voice. Elijah really did a good job, he thought of the second time of the day. He probably should text him that and boost his overblown ego even more. He missed him though.  
“Detective?”, the changed tone made him look up now. Concern and curiosity were now on the robot’s face.  
“Why do you hate androids that much?”  
“The usual, I guess, you are taking our jobs, being dicks, blah blah blah.”  
“I can tell when you are lying.”  
“Fuck you.”  
One of the artificial hands hovered over the human’s knees, but never touching him. Seemingly he wasn’t sure whether or not Gavin was comfortable with touch, or not. But honestly neither was he.  
They sat in silence for a few minutes until Gavin couldn’t fight the need to spill everything anymore, so he eventually just burst out of him.  
“You know, there had been a few things that happened in my family and you could say that your kind is the cause of that. Then there is this fucking revolution, I mean, how the fuck can you suddenly develop feelings? How am I supposed to believe those are real? I mean, the fuck. And how dare you to be just able to attach a dick just like that and here I am struggling regularly … I am sorta comfortable right now, yes, but it has been a fucking hard journey.”, he stopped, scanning the plastic’s face. Searching it for for any emotion.  
Of course, he had them under control all too well and Gavin couldn’t find anything and just had to wait for a reply.  
“I am sorry, Gavin.”, he said, as if this would change anything.  
Now the android placed its hand on his knee and the detective was just taken by surprise. Of all the reactions he had expected, this was not it.  
“I know, I can’t change your past, or whatever happened, or how you feel about yourself … but I want to be your friend.”  
Friends? Did it even know what this meant? Probably he just knew the definition of it. But his own heart betrayed him and skipped a beat. He was sure, RK could tell, so he cleared his throat, trying to play it off.  
“I mean it.”  
“Why would you.”  
It shrugged, giving Gavin an excusing smile. “Weirdo”, he thought but still couldn’t stop himself from smiling. They really were an unusual team and even though he was repulsed by the thought, he also knew Tina was right before. What did he have to lose? Also, Anderson was really happy ever since Connor came into his life.  
He felt like he was going mad, experiencing all those emotions at once; still being somewhat n furious at being kidnapped and enjoying being with the android at the same time.  
Slightly changing his position, he looked around. Today has been insane, this conversation had been so out of character for him and he suddenly felt very exhausted.  
“I really do hope, we can become friends.”, plastic repeated, emphasizing his words from before.  
Not sure of what to reply, he just gave him a simple “Maybe.”, but that seemed to be enough for the android for now, as it kept quiet from then on. Both of them were sitting on the bench, pondering and Gavin thought, that he might actually come here more often. It was very quiet and calming. He was thankful that the RK had taken him here, even under the circumstances he had.  
“Yo, dipshit, do you even have a name?”  
For a change this seemed to surprise the android and the human felt a warm feeling of accomplishment in his stomach.  
“I do have my tag.”, plastic-prick replied after a few seconds.  
“That doesn’t count, I mean a more human name, something I could call you.”  
It took him another few moments and Gavin was surprised by himself, he didn’t realize that his attitude had changed so quickly. But right now, R just reminded him of himself, back when he chose a name and decided not to go by his dead-name anymore. Patiently waiting, he started picking at his jeans again.  
“Connor calls me Nines sometimes, does that count?”  
“Hmm, I think so, do you feel comfortable using it?”  
“Yes.”  
Now Nines was beaming at him, he seemed genuinely happy and Reed couldn’t help but smile in return.  
Yet again they were sitting in silence, but this time it was much more comfortable. It was just like something shifted between them.  
After a while the exhaustion really was hitting the man.  
“No offence tin-can, but can you get me back?”  
Deceptively, he was lost in thought, because it took a few seconds for Nines to reply.  
“Before I do can I ask you to use male-pronouns when you refer to me in anyway?”  
Oh. He hadn’t thought about it that way, every time he had referred to him as it, it just never crossed his mind that it would affect the android. Feeling exposed he could feel the blood rush to his cheeks and neck and he had to look away.  
“Of course, Nines.”, he whispered suddenly ashamed of his behavior.  
“Thank you.”  
Then he got up and stood next to him, waiting for him to get up, so he quickly followed, they were walking together in unison when Gavin remembered, that his car still was at the precinct.  
“Can you get me to the station? My car is still there, and I need to get it to get to work tomorrow.”  
Nines was considering this for a moment, but seemingly decided against it.  
“If you want to, I can get you in the morning, so you can get some rest for now.”  
“You know what, yes.”  
“Okay.”, the Nines-smile on his face again.  
When they reached the car, Gavin got in and this time it was he who had to wait for the android to follow. Nines put in his address and for a second he wondered, where he had gotten that, but then he realized that it was probably in his files and Nines probably had checked them beforehand.  
This whole android thing really needed some getting used to, after all he was forced to now, that his partner was one of them as well.  
“Nines?”  
“Hmm?”  
“Oh nothing.”, Gavin felt stupid for second guessing the thought he just had, but he felt that he better shut up right now.  
“You can always talk to me, you know.”  
“Quit that therapist bullshit, android.”, he retorted, half-mocking and smiling.  
“But I am glad we got to talk today, detective, just remember that I will gladly listen. Always.”  
“But don’t you dare bitch at me, when I actually take you up on that offer on day, tin-can.”  
He could have sworn, he heard a chuckle emerging from the driver’s side.  
“I am glad too”, he resorted to pulling at his jeans again, he clearly wasn’t used to being so open about his emotions or him in general.  
Nines, being the ace investigator he was, on the other hand, picked up that that was not everything the human wanted to say.  
“Talk to me.”  
Gavin looked out of the window and back at his pants and out of the window again, he wasn’t sure why he felt guilty all of a sudden, when he had done nothing wrong. At least not right now.  
“I can sense-“  
“Shut up.”  
“Those mood swings are-“  
“Seriously shut up, or I will jump out of the car.”  
“The probability of you dying is 76.38 percent I can’t.”  
“Nines. Shut your fucking mouth.”  
He gritted his teeth, feeling the fury rush back trough his veins, why was that thing so demanding all the time? It was clear that Gavin wasn’t the easiest person to deal with and he would never argue about that, but everything was so fucking much right now.  
“I just don’t want to talk about shit right now, Nines.”  
The android looked at him, visibly unsatisfied with that answer, but he didn’t try to push further, which Gavin silently thanked him for.  
Slowly he turned his feet to the side, so he could bring some more space in between in hopes that this would also give him some mental space. He cursed the android for confusing the shit out of him.  
They drove like that for a while and Gavin was going over the events of the day in his mind repeatedly, overthinking everything until he wasn’t even sure that this all had happened.  
Finally, they arrived at his flat and he couldn’t wait to get inside and go to bed, but something held Gavin back. He looked over to his partner, concern was displayed on his face and Reed opened his mouth to ask, but couldn’t when the android blurted out a string of words he needed to comprehend at first.  
“I know you don’t want to talk right now, detective, but I am trying really hard to understand humanity, and you in particular so, please consider answering the question right now. And if I did something to upset you, I am deeply sorry, but you need to tell me, so I can assure you that it won’t happen again.”  
Shit. Sometimes the android programming wasn’t as impeccable as people are let to believe.  
“You really don’t get it, do you?”  
Suddenly it was Nines who sounded frustrated, “that’s what I just stated.”  
“Fuck, Nines, maybe you should stop being so demanding. I mean, maybe you do care – thankyouverymuch – but holy shit, ever thought I might want to make my own decisions? Not enough that you fucking kidnapped me, even after I told you I didn’t want to, now you keep pressuring me into talking.”  
He pressed a fist into his tight, focusing on the sensation.  
“I really do appreciate your effort, android – but I am a human, I just can’t turn my feelings off and on like that,”, he snapped his fingers to emphasize his words.  
Turning his head to the android, he realized that he seriously looked hurt, he didn’t expect that, hell, he didn’t want that.  
The android gripped the steering wheel and stared out of the window, “I am sorry, I really am, everything is just so … new and I still need time.”  
Sighing Gavin nodded, “so do I – just always ask for consent, for anyone’s really and you will be fine.”  
“Sorry.”  
“It’s ok now, Nines.”, he replied, a soft smile on his lips.  
“I owe you coffee.”  
“Deal.”  
Now Nines was smiling his smile again and Gavin was finally able to get out of the car and closed the door behind his now android friend.


	5. Bellyache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Though that I'd feel better, but now I got a b e l l y a c h e._
> 
>  
> 
> This day was a mess, but luckily Tina is there to save it. Nines has no idea what the fuck is going on, but he wouldn't be a detective toaster, if he wouldn't want to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy hey first of all sorry hhhh;;  
> second of all FUCK I AM SORRY.  
> I am well aware that this chapter is kind of shit and probably not really a insentive, but I promise you the next one will be and I am doing my best to update that asap.  
> also a bit of a heads up and trigger warning on dysphoria!  
> please be save and enjoy.

Gavin flopped onto his bed, burying his head in his pillow and holding his breath for a few seconds. This day had been insane, and he didn’t know how to place the android’s behaviour, it was so odd to him, but then again, he had no idea, how they actually worked.  
Nines words came back to him and in fact, it seemed like he didn’t know either. Gavin sighed into the pillow and then rolled onto his back, starring up at the ceiling.  
He probably should talk to Fowler about what happened nonetheless, he bit at his lip unsure of what to do.  
He still was slightly angry at being kidnapped, hated the feeling of being helpless and being forced to doing things. After all, there was a reason, why he’d cut the ties with his family and moved out as soon as he could.  
Sighing once again, he got back up, determined to take a shower, maybe the hot water would help him calm his uneasiness and find some focus. 

At the same time, he understood Nines’ motive and he had enjoyed today.  
He picked out some fresh and comfy clothes while sulking over the events again and again.  
When he finally was into the shower, he turned the water on a little too hot and his skin turned red quickly, but it helped with his sore muscles and thoughts, instantly he felt a little calmer, having something else to focus on besides his damned mind.  
Gavin moved his hands, working his muscles, focusing on his body; how it felt, usually he tried not to think about that as it still gave him dysphoria from time to time, but right now it felt like the right thing to do. Besides, he hadn’t done meditation in years, but back then they had helped him, so he might as well try now.  
Closing his eyes, he focused on his toes first, wriggled them around slightly, before mentally wandering up to his calves, his tights, his hips, up to his stomach, slowly scanning each area and analysing how it felt.  
He took his time, probably standing under the shower for more than ten minutes, but as soon as he opened his eyes, he felt calmer. Felt more focused and content in himself. The man thought to himself, that he should do this more often … but it wouldn’t be him, if he would keep his plans for like two weeks and then get lazy or make excuses why he wouldn’t do it today. Sighing, he shifted his focus back on here and now.  
Scrubbing his body and making sure he took his time with his body.  
As he was finished, he got out, dressed himself and walked into the living room to then slump onto the couch, flipping through the TV-program.  
There really wasn’t anything interesting, but in the end, he decided on a rerun of Brooklyn 99, a show he had watched back in his teens and by now he knew their lines and the plot by heart, but it always gave him some form of security, the only thing in his pathetic life that never seemed to change.  
Luckily, he caught one of his favorite episodes as well and soon enough he was giggling and talking along.  
He watched a few more episodes which was a mistake, as he fell asleep on the couch.  
The next day he was woken by a loud knock on his door and immediately he was in alert mode.  
“Shit”, he whispered to himself, as he jumped up and ran to the door.  
“Good morn-“, Nines greeted him, a big grin on his face, but he instantly broke off, when he saw his attire.  
“Are you okay, detective?”  
His LED turned yellow, as he was presumably scanning the human.  
“Yeah, yeah, I am fine Nines, stop scanning me. I just fell asleep on the couch yesterday.”, he hurriedly answered, in an attempt to explain himself.  
Gavin walked back in, leaving the door open, so the android would come in and he could get out of this situation as soon as possible.  
While he walked towards his bedroom, he mumbled a barely audible “be right there”, certain that Nines would hear it anyway.  
When he finally was back, now dressed in a black V-neck and jeans, the android was now standing in his living room, looking over his possessions. The human wasn’t sure, what he thought, but the tiny voice inside his head scolded him, for not cleaning the place.  
Clearing his throat, to get the androids attention, he walked to the door and grabbed his jacket.  
“Ready?”  
The android simply nodded and followed him to the car, that was parked outside.  
Both of them sat inside in silence, until Nines decided to break Gavin’s train of thought with small talk.  
“So how are you feeling today, detective?”  
Gavin thought about it for a moment, “I am okay, I guess” and Nines once again, simply nodded.  
“How are you feeling, tin can? Any new emotions you are experiencing?”  
Even though he couldn’t fully see the androids LED, he knew it was flickering yellow, in fact, Nines face was running trough different facial expressions.  
“If I may say so, I feel rather positive, detective.”  
“’s good to hear, Nines.”  
After that, they both fell to their silence again, Gavin still felt a little groggy after being woken so violently after all and he had never been a morning person, especially not before his first coffee.  
Thankfully their drive took only a few more minutes, otherwise he even might have fallen asleep again. Yawning, he got out of the car, as soon as Nines parked it at its parking space. Then they walked to their assigned work places together.  
Which earned Gavin a raised eyebrow from Tina and some unnecessary comment from Anderson, who he simply flipped off – too tired to care and still having Fowler in the back of his mind. He liked his job.  
The human slumped down onto his chair and logged into his terminal.  
As soon as he was online he got a mail from Tina, which was strange, they never mailed, just talked face to face or texted.  
The subject read: “What the fuck have you done to Gavin Reed?”

> Seriously Gavin, what happened, spill the tea sis!

He couldn’t help but grin at the phrase Tina chose, an old reference to their teenage years, reminding him how stupid they were. He missed those days. Even though he knew they weren’t necessarily simpler, he missed the stupid shit they did.  
They definitely needed to go out again sometime, but right now this bitch decided to be an annoying fucker.

AW: What the fuck have you done to Gavin Reed?

> Nothing, I am still me.  
>  Though the android and I did have a talk, I guess he is okay.  
>  I AM STILL MAD HE KIDNAPPED ME THOUGH!! I hope you didn’t know about this, otherwise I am never speaking to you again.

AW: AW: What the fuck have you done to Gavin Reed?

> You don’t seem as grumpy as usually albeit more dishevelled.  
>  And no, I didn’t, though it was quite the picture. I am sad no one recorded you getting your gay ass dragged out ☹

Subject: Bitch

> Bitch  
>  \- Reed

AW: Bitch

> Wow Gav, very mature.  
>  I love you too.

They were interrupted by Nines appearing next to Gavin’s desk, a coffee in his hands and a slight smile on his face.  
“I thought you might need this, detective”  
Gavin was baffled, this he did not expect. He looked up at the android and wondered, if there were any other intentions besides the fact, that he apparently looked so desperate that his partner went against his principles.  
Carefully he took the coffee out of his hands and took a sip. The hot liquid instantly made him feel better.  
“Thanks Nines”, he said, taking a little too long as he lost his train of thought.  
“I hope I prepared it to your liking, but this is nothing you should get used to, but since you didn’t have one this morning I figured it wouldn’t hurt your diet.”  
“I am flattered.”, he said and rolled his eyes and despite the smile that had crept up his face.  
Taking a few more tiny sips, savoring the coffee, before placing it next to him and returning to his work.  
The android cleared his throat and for a short moment, Gavin was confused, because since when did androids need to do so? He got the answer as soon as his name was called. That bitch just did that, to get his attention.  
“Reed.”  
“What.”  
“I am sorry to remind you, but you still have some filing you need to finish.”  
He shot his partner a look, it wasn’t like that machine could do this in no time, but yet.  
“Do I need to remind you-“  
“Yeah, yeah, I am doing it.”  
Grumpily and probably with a little too much force, he tabbed at his terminals, opening all the necessary files and cursing himself simultaneously for not doing his paper work sooner.  
After about half an hour his neck started to hurt, his eyes were strained, and he hated himself, but he was still not finished, because he had discovered that he had filed something wrong the last time, which caused the whole system to almost crash. Man, he wished he could physically sort papers right now, all this technical stuff never had been his cup of tea.  
Apparently, he seemed really desperate, because Nines appeared next to him.  
“Require some help, detective?”  
Gavin pulled a face, biting back a snippy response.  
Under his breath he whispered, a “please.”  
The android simply nodded, kneeled next to him and placed a hand on the terminal. Instantly the synthetic skin retracted, and the screen flashed.  
“You should be fine now, I sorted the data, put in the new data now.”  
The human had to remind himself, to close his mouth, before replying.  
“That’s it?”  
Again, Richard nodded, before returning to his place.  
Sighing, he continued putting in all the information into the data base and he actually managed to focus on the work and was surprisingly efficient. Soon enough though something else distracted him.  
Suddenly he felt a weird sensation his in pants … almost as if he had peed himself. _Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit._  
He felt the blood train from his face and nausea hit him with full force. Why now? Why him and why was this still happening. “It’s probably because of the stress”, the tiny voice in his mind noted, but he needed to keep a clear mind. Needed to get away.  
As quickly as possible, without causing a scene, he pushed back his chair, stood up and walked over to Tina.  
When he had approached her, she rose a brow at him and he felt like passing out. This couldn’t be happening.  
“Gavin- what’s---?”  
Between his teeth he hissed “code red” and his friends’ face shifted knowingly.  
She got up as well, walked over to her bag and handed him a small package, all without showing it to anyone.  
“Thanks, I owe you.”  
“Gav, at this point you owe me your soul.” A smile and a pad on the back.  
With a “well, I always knew you had a terrible taste.”, he ran off to the bathrooms and locked himself inside of one of the stalls.  
Slowly he pulled down his pants, his hands were shaking.  
He had to get his shit together. Breathing in a few times, he unwrapped the package and stuck the pad inside his pants. Luckily there wasn’t too much blood yet.  
As soon as he was finished, he pulled his pants up, practically ran out of the stall, scooted over to his place, grabbed his jacket and was almost out of the door, when Nines held him back.  
“Are you okay?”  
He resisted the urge to snap at the android.  
“Yes, no, I mean no. Tell Fowler I got sick.” This wasn’t even a lie, so he hoped the answer was enough for Nines, whose LED flickered yellow for a few seconds.  
He needed to get out.  
Winding himself out of the androids’ grip, he again went for the door, but this time he got out.  
His way home went by in a blur and when he entered his home, his safe place, all he could do was collapse against the door. Overwhelmed by so many emotions, he just had to get it out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you enjoyed this, be sure to check out other works in the trashcan series; all can be read on its own.  
> and also consider leaving kudos, comments and feedback, because honestly, that is all that keeps me going at this point.  
> or scream [at me on twitter ](https://twitter.com/insurgentheart)


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